I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize
