I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
