you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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