I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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