I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I need to sanitize my soul.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
