check it out our google latitudes are spooning
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
