please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
