This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
