sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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