If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Acid is not a monday night drug
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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