I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize