If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
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Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
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I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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