I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
