I think i peed on brittanys purse
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
