Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
