she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
my being single is dangerous.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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