My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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