if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
