so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
You're a disaster
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