I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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