atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
