I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Randomize
