This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
