just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
