I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I showed him my bush... on skype.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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