i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
