Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
