Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
