Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
