I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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