last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
