Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I have so many feelings about this burrito
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
