i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
