You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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