So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
