How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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