If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
