I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
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We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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