I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
