I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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