This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
We talked him into tasing himself.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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