can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
