Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
