How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
