I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Randomize
