We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
