You really coming over, don't trick.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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