im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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