Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
