After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
