we have pet lesbian snakes
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
