Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
