first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
