I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
