I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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