A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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