Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
