Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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