i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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