You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
