Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Randomize
