he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
