i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
The feeling are messing with the penis
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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