I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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