She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
