Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
