Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize
