i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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