we have officially lost it.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
